I wasted so much of time with black color today, trying to do an effort to creat something likeable and when I was done I thought “Yeah it’s Savage”. Savage in a way that can touch people’s hearts by tearing into the skin. Savage in a way that can make people realize it’s epicness. Savage in a way that has the destructing power. Savage in a way that makes you see one’s darkness which is hidden inside. But that’s how I see it, the world don’t realize how precious that piece of paper covered with black ink is. They just see the appearance of things, they don’t go deep inside them. They can’t see the savageness they don’t know what’s it’s like to see it. They don’t know about the savage world.
The lights were all lit but the darkness was still there. The kind of darkness that makes you ponder about things you miss, things you regret, things that start with if and things that have no end. Those streams of thoughts that keep flowing in your mind connecting one thing with another and making a thread of never ending thoughts, keep you in that darkness even when you’re in a hall full of people with all the lights and music. You can’t get your head notice the lights or the fun because it is engrossed by those thoughts that never leaves it or maybe you don’t let them leave your head because somehow you enjoy it. Being there with those thoughts make you feel that anything is possible, you can imagine anything there, so you feel the joy by turning those ‘Ifs’ into possibilities. And for just that joy which is not even real, ‘just a fantasy’, you let yourself have all the darkness that comes with it not knowing that it is destroying you, turning you into a whole new person who is dull, boring and always lost but then it’s just what people will think about you and it doesn’t really matter what they think of you because people will leave anyway. What matter is YOU so you better hold on to those thoughts and be what you wanna be. Be yourself. Be a fantasy.
Hate me all you want I am not gonna judge you or hate you for that because I know your hatred must be based on some reason that is correct for you, I know it’s not all you who has created this hatred inside you it’s a little bit of me too or maybe it’s all me. A part of me may have hurted you subconsciously even when I never wanted to. Or maybe it’s because you’re going through some situation, a kind of situation that made you hate me because you never know what other person is going through. You don’t know how they feel about a certain thing that you’re talking sick of. So you have no right to judge or hate them because you don’t know them even when you think you do. You can never know a person accurately no matter how close you are. And if you are truly close to them you will never judge them no matter how stupid things they do. And the thing that is important to know is that it’s not always you who is correct so either try to know them or just stay away because when you don’t know, you don’t care and when you don’t care, you judge. But no scratch that ‘don’t judge because you don’t know’
I know it’s temporary but still it’s an obsession not something that flows away like the sand that flows away with waves of sea or something that disappears when you close your eyes. It’s something more than that. Something that I feel when I see the full moon. Something like the joy that rain brings with it. Something worth having, that make you feel special like the joy of being blessed. Something that we think is forever but forever is a lie you know. Nothing is everlasting. Even the tiniest thing on this Earth is going to end one day so how can you believe them when they say that it’s forever. Forever doesn’t exist. It’s just something we think is true or possible but actually it isn’t. It’s a delusion, a fantasy or maybe just our imagination where we comfort ourselves by thinking that it can be possible. We think that maybe there are things that stay forever and we’re just not good enough for them. But then it’s just what we think of them reality is a lot different from it and bitter like the truth that we can’t face. And that delusion, it fades away the moment you enter reality and then every single moment of your life shouts to you that ‘forever is a lie sweetie, a very handsome lie.’
No matter how much I try to maintain a good relationship with you. We always end up fighting one or the other way. Sometimes it is so freaking annoying that I think what the hell is wrong with us, why can’t we just behave like sisters. Yeah that’s what we are. SISTERS. Or may be that’s just what our birth certificates tell us otherwise our behavior with each other can make us anything but SISTERS…
We don’t even resemble in looks so that anyone can say: “Look! how those crazy sisters are fighting”. Well I consider myself responsible of that most of the times because I am short tempered which you are too but somehow you usually control your anger but I can’t I just love bursting with anger and I do so I ruin things and I regret it. Yet I consider myself lucky because no matter how much I try to ruin things they always come back to me they way they are.
But there comes a time in people’s life when it seems that they are going in right direction but actually they are not and that’s when they need someone to warn them about the consequences of it, guide them to the right path and be their guardian angel, saving them from whatever try to destroy them.
That’s where you fit in my life you may not be my sister but you are more than that. You are my GUARDIAN ANGEL. No matter how much I try to stay away and keep things from you. You always find out what’s going on in my life and come to me just right on time to stop me from destroying myself. I don’t know what is it but you have this ability of convincing me whatever you say. And you think that your lectures have no affect on me but believe me they do. You are reason of who I am today (talking of qualities here :P). And you know what’s the best thing of you guiding me the right way?. It’s that you never force it on me. You let me understand it myself no matter how difficult it is. You let me choose it myself after explaining the consequences of it. And I think that is what you should do when a kid is about to jump from the roof of the house without thinking about what might happen to him because applying force will stop him at that moment but there are chances that he might try again when you are not watching because you didn’t tell him the consequences of it. You’ve just told him that it’s so stupid of him to do that. You didn’t explain to him that why is this stupid?. So the result and the right thing to do is to give free will after letting him know the right thing. And you did the right thing. I’ll never be able to thank you for that. Sometimes I think that what have I done to deserve you. I am just blessed. I just don’t know why you are in my life, I am not worth it. May be, Allah love me so much that He sent you in my life.
I am sorry for always pushing you away. Thank you for always being there for me and for letting me choose. And thank you for always understanding me no matter how many blunders I make, just, never stop trusting me. You should know that I’ll always choose the right path eventually.
Well… I will not say that I love you cause’ that would be so typical of me. I’ll rather say that I will always need you which is so selfish of me but believe me I wouldn’t have lived this way without you. And no one can ever have a better sister than you.
FROM YOUR CRAZY LITTLE SISTER
It doesn’t matters how it ends but the thing is I don’t like the end whether it’s a happy ending or not because at the end nothing’s left. At the end of a book we don’t have anything to read, at the end of a song there is nothing to listen, at the end of a trip there is nothing to enjoy.
All the fun part is only before the end
And at the end of a life there is nothing left, nothing at all. But the sad fact of life is that
Everything in this world will end one day and we are not here forever.
So what we had to do is to accept it the way it is and live with it no matter what because after all we are here and we shall live our lives with an aim better enough to make our real life happy
That life which will come after this life and which has no ending
An eternal life…
And we are here to prepare ourselves for that eternal life.
It can be anything. Anything that fascinates you. It can be words of someone spoken so beautifully or the voice that echoes through the hills. It can be the best time that is never coming back or the moments with the people you love. It can be the moonlight or the brightness of the sun. It can be anyone’s rudeness or the eyes, beautiful eyes, that are telling a tale. It can be someone’s hardship and the way they live through it.
It all depends on the way you see it. You change your way of looking at things and then everything fascinates you. Everything. The wind, the sky, a smile, or a stare. There is an art in everything but are there eyes to recognize it?
I fancy the wind which when blows takes away the sadness with it and the rain that blesses everything on which it falls. I fancy hills and tress that beautifies everything. I fancy clouds that hide the brightest sun behind them. I fancy those eyes that shine the brightest. I fancy that hand which attracts everyone’s attention when it holds a pen. I fancy that mind which has the ability to survive so many thoughts and the heart that holds the strongest emotion inside. I fancy souls that are purest of all and the Lord who is the creator of them.
But these are the things that anyone can fancy what if I tell you that I fancy the scar that is everlasting because there is a fascinating story behind it. I fancy the twisted paths of ones life. Something that ruin one’s life and changes it in a strange way is what fascinates me. The eyes that stare at the sky all day and night to find a little pleasure in their never ending sorrow fascinates me. The smile that can cheer up many other faces fascinates me. The feeling that something good might happen inspite of all the bad things is what fascinates me. A twisted soul that is hard to understand fascinates me cause’ there is an art in everything the difference is that in somethings it is quite clear and in others it is hidden. And the hidden twisted things always fascinate me more because hardly anyone notices them.